The strength of my heart

I'm loooong overdue for a new post. To all my readers out there, I apologize for being the worst blogger in the world. Good news- I can only get better! :p It's just been so hard with all the traveling on weekends and late night/all-nighters (yes, all-nighters) during the weekdays.

I want to share a little on my recent experiences with the Lord. It's definitely been a struggle here spiritually, away from the church, away from my companions and family. When I say "struggle" I don't mean a rebelliousness or anything against the Lord, it's just been really hard to carve out time to spend with Him. 

I have traveled so much in this short month that I've been here, and every single day there is something new that moves me and awes me. I get so excited about every new thing that we see or discover, and it's been so eye-opening and, to a large extent, quite fulfilling....

But...what I'm realizing is how misleading that fulfillment can be. Traveling has brought me so much joy and I already feel so changed. I feel so blessed to have been provided this experience, and I feel so covered by the Lord and by prayers from back home. I think what the Lord has been bringing me through is that, as wonderful an experience as He wants me to have here in Europe, all the joys and excitements and gratifications I experience here (as healthy as they all may be) can still distract me from the REAL enjoyment, the REAL satisfaction, the REAL life supply: my Lord Jesus Christ. 

I've had days where experience upon experience has been so satisfying, and I feel like it will never get old standing under the towering Duomo, or sitting atop Piazza Michelangelo looking out over the city of Florence with the mountains softly fading into the distance, or walking along the Ponte Vecchio, observing all the little jewelry boxes of little gold shops opening up their gates to reveal the hidden treasures beyond their thresholds... But at the end of the day, the satisfaction starts to wean a little, and the surge of fulfillment and vitality that I had felt throughout the day begins to fade. Upon recognizing that growing emptiness within,  I repent, realizing that not once had turned to the Lord for my supply that day.

Well, this past week and a half, I've been trying something "new": morning revival. (Or a morning devotional).  Growing up in the church life that I did, I always knew it was something I should do, that it'd make a difference in my day and my spiritual life. Alas...it was never quite implemented into daily life, as hard as I'd try---just not a morning person.

Anyways, I've been making a point to have morning revival (usually while I eat breakfast), and I've been spending a lot of time in the Psalms. This will probably sound horrible, but I've never been a huge fan of the Psalms. I always thought they were beautifully written and poetic, but in terms of a "supply", I always thought they were "too emotional" for me. And especially in times when I'm super emotional, I don't want to feed the flames even more. I tend to gravitate more towards Paul's epistles, especially those of high truths. Well anyway... for whatever reason, I've been in the Psalms, and let's just say they've been exactly what I've needed. The Lord has definitely been working on my heart in this aspect. So here are some verses that I read this morning that fit exactly what I've been feeling.

Psalm 73:21-26, 28
   21 When my soul was embittered,

when I was pricked in heart,

22 I was brutish and ignorant;

I was like a beast toward you.

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;

you hold my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will receive me to glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

28 But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord God my refuge,

that I may tell of all your works.